Thursday, 11 March 2010

...Shares Her Secret 4 Step Method For Letting Go Of Anger

So there you are, you’ve just had a row with your beloved/child/parent/flatmate and you’re sitting there absolutely fuming. You’ve got smoke coming out of your ears and you’re so livid that the vein in your forehead is pulsing so hard it literally might just pop out of your head. So you sit and plan their demise in the minutest of detail. Does this sound like you? Oh yes, we’ve all been there!

But hang on a minute…is this really how you want to feel? Burning up with all-consuming anger? You love this person, right? Well ok, maybe you don’t love them but you do at least like them don’t you? Well even if you don’t, you love yourself don’t you? More to the point you do know that letting go of this anger is healthy for you don’t you?

Ok so that’s our starting point. Letting go of the negativity. Here we go!

Firstly the all important disclaimer (and this one is really important)…if you are being abused in any way whether it’s mental or physical, or if the object of your anger is infringing your human rights in any way, or bullying you, then please contact the Authorities. They will help you.

So now let’s take a moment to review the situation before the letting-go process begins. Blazing row…hurt feelings…are we on the same page?

Step 1: The first secret is to take a few deep breaths. Sounds like an old cliché but it really does work. So go ahead and take a few deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth. You’re feeling better already aren’t you? Well read on because there’s more and it gets better you’ll be glad to know.

Step 2: The next thing I do is I tell myself over and over again those 3 little magic words “…this will pass…” Why do I do that? Well simply because I know it does – everything always passes. I remind myself of the many times in the past when I’ve felt anger and it’s passed. This will pass. This will pass. This will pass.

Eventually I can truly feel the tension in my shoulders releasing and my clenched fists have become loosened. I’m breathing calmly and as for that vein in my head? All gone.

I’m still upset but I’m out of the red zone. Most importantly, I can feel the anger leaving my body.

Step 3:The next secret is to build on the good feelings that are slowly emerging. This is a crucial step that has a snowball effect in the letting-go process.

How shall we do this? One good way is to find a memory about that person which makes you feel good and makes you smile. Is there a time when you both did something together that you really enjoyed? Did he/she surprise you pleasantly? What connects you together in a fun and happy way? Write them down if you want to – sometimes this speeds up the letting-go process.

Next I will take a few moments to assess how I’m feeling. Remember I’m still saying over and over “this will pass”. By this stage I’m always feeling less livid and more light. Then I smile to myself as more good memories suddenly pop into my head like corn popping in a hot pan, as my mental filing system kicks into gear to help me out of this sticky moment and letting it go becomes all the more sweeter. As my list of good memories grows and grows I quickly realise that this process of letting go is much more creative and productive than holding on to the anger. By this stage of the process I’m actually having fun!

Step 4:The best step of all the steps is when it dawns on me that I’ve successfully let it go. The result I was aiming for all along has been achieved! I did it! That truth brings the biggest smile back to my face.

Be aware also that at any stage of the process you may feel like crying. This is really normal and it's important to let the tears flow. Crying is a release and it's always better out than in I say, so go ahead and grab a big box of tissues and let it out.

So there you have it, my simple plan for releasing anger. Oh I know I’ll revisit the argument, because let’s face it I’m a woman (relax ladies…men do it too!) but the success lies in the fact that I’ve taken the sting out of the situation. The argument may still need to be resolved, but the raw stinging emotion is gone. I’ve regained a sense of perspective and the disagreement has far less significance. I feel good about myself and ultimately this means that dealing with and resolving the issues that caused the row in the first place will be far less stressful.

And it’s all thanks to the fact that I used my 4 simple secrets to letting go of anger.

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