For the first few weeks I loved it - the restaurant was fantastic mainly due to their yummy carrot cake. The sauna and steam rooms were working wonders for my skin. I should have joined the gym years ago!
I must point out that I was vaguely aware of some big shiny equipment in other parts of the gym but it all seemed too ugly, heavy and loud for my liking. Anyway, the people using this equipment looked decidedly dishevelled and I just knew that wasn't a look that would suit me. I joined the gym to get fit, not to get ugly.
So I decided in my infinite wisdom it was best to stick to my established routine of steam room, sauna and finish off in the restaurant. It was incredibly relaxing. I don't know why people moan about the gym - I was loving it!
This decision was taken after initially trying my hand at the cross trainer. Looks harmless enough I thought to myself. After a full 58 seconds, I had to get off. Well actually I fell off, because both legs had turned to jelly and my arms were just hanging limp by my sides.
What new form of torture is this please?
Never again. I have teenage children. That responsibility alone is torture, hence rendering the addition of extra torture completely unnecessary. Anyway, a nice gentle exercise class sounded like it was just the thing, and it was bound to be easier than using any of that awful equipment.
Susan* the instructor was far too toned for her own good, and a bit of a show-off truth be told. So were the 8 pensioners I was taking the class with. But I didn't let that put me off. Legs, bums and tums here I come! I must say I did fabulously well and completed not one but two classes that day. I'm particularly grateful to the two sprightly 65 year old ladies who helped me back to my car after the class. Well, actually they carried me but I'll gloss over that detail.
The next day upon waking, I opened my eyes & smiled. Another new day had dawned and I was seeing everything in a whole different light - I was getting fit again! Bring it on!
Getting out of bed presented me with my first new challenge. Have you ever tried to pull back a 14 tog duvet with just your eyelids? They were the only part of my body that didn't hurt. That soon wiped the smile off my face, although I wasn't too concerned about that because smiling was far too painful by now.
I was not going to be defeated, so I signed up for another class with Satan, sorry I meant Susan. Anyway, the cafe still served carrot cake and that alone made the trip worthwhile. Although driving there did give me a whole new outlook on life. Car journeys were actually ok provided I didn't have to change gear, accelerate, brake or use my mirrors. I have a manual car (a stick shift) but then I like a challenge. It didn't really concern me that other drivers were swearing and beeping at me furiously, mainly because I couldn't turn my head to look at them gesticulating at me. I carried on regardless and blissfully unaware. I was on a mission and the trail of destruction and near-misses I left behind me wasn't going to stop me.
So here we are, 6 months down the line and guess what? I've done what I set out to achieve. I have single handedly kept the gym's cafe in business and the attendants at the steam room and sauna are my best friends. As is Susan, the toned instructor, and now it's me carrying new members back to their cars after their first class. As for the cross trainer, I've now doubled my tolerance. Can I get a woohoo!
Disclaimer: I joined the gym because I had spare cash which I wanted to donate to the gym. If you don't have spare cash, don't join. Also, before starting any exercise programme please consult your health practitioner.
*Names have been changed to protect me from getting beaten up by the gym instructor.
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