Thursday, 11 March 2010

...Asks What Is Real Love?

If I asked you to describe love what picture does this conjure up in your mind? I wonder how many of you have difficulties with that question and how many of you would be able to describe it immediately.

When two people are in love the whole world sees it. When a parent loves their child the whole world sees it. When we love our pets the whole world sees it.

How would we describe this elusive feeling? For centuries great poets and authors have described love in a thousand different ways, from the mystical poet Rumi who wrote “...the minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere, they are in each other all along…” to modern day songwriter David Gray who says “…from the very first moment I saw you, that’s when I knew that all the dreams I held in my heart had suddenly come true…” , while Beyonce sings about being “Crazy in Love”.

Some view love as painful, others regard love as a playground of varying levels of giddy paroxysms of delight. Love to me has so many component parts: respect, grace, trust, loyalty, compassion, kindness, forgiveness, understanding to name but a few. Love is eternal, it does not conform to space and time. Love knows no earthly boundaries and love surpasses all obstacles. Isn’t that what they say? (whoever “they” are…)

To my mind when we are without love and we ask for it to come into our lives, whether we want a romantic partner or a new kitten we often attach yearning and longing to that desire. I believe that the yearning actually delays the love coming to us. That's because the yearning feeling creates a sense of not having the love right at that moment, and then we feel a sense of emptiness. Instead, it's far more powerful if we act with certainty and gratitude that it's already here. Act as if we are so certain that it’s already ours, and if it isn’t in our lives already, it’s on it’s way. That certainty is essential especially where you can’t picture what the feeling of having the love is like.

Let me give you an example of that type of certainty. Imagine you go into a store and buy an item for £5, pay for it with £10, you expect £5 change right? You don’t ponder and wonder and long for your £5 change do you? You just know its coming. You don’t say “Will I get the full £5 or will I just get £2 change?” That’s just silly! You just know it’s coming. Then when you get your change you don’t act overly shocked or confused to the point of questioning it do you?  No, you just say thanks and off you go. Because you just knew it was coming.

That’s what certainty feels like and that’s the feeling you want to cultivate. Doesn’t that feel good? Do you feel relieved that its so simple? Say yes and say it loud! YES! (Not if you’re at work of course. Inside voice.)

Now that you know what the certainty feels like, let’s explore how that translates to your physical appearance? Allow me to give you an idea of how it looks – the fabulous feeling of having love in your life transmutes into that sparkle in your eyes, the glow in your skin, the smile on your face, the spring in your step and the shine in your hair. It’s your strong posture and the clear words you speak. It’s the way you light up a room just by being in it. It’s the kindness and compassion you give so effortlessly. It’s your passion and enthusiasm that exudes from every pore.

How great is that making you feel? Hold on to that feeling.

Romantic love feels like you’re sharing your own private sunbeam. The warmth of your love is so potent it’s practically tangible. He’s so proud to have you in his life there’s nowhere he’d rather be than by your side and there’s nobody he’d place above you. He smiles in the certainty that it’s the same for you too. There’s an endless list of places you take each other, both real and imagined. “Isn’t she amazing?” he says to everyone and anyone, glowing with unabashed pride. He knows this beautiful woman really is something special. And his smile tells us all that he knows it’s the same for her too. Their love is truly requited.

This love is simple, pure, sweet, heartfelt, intense, passionate and enduring. Both lovers feel it’s warmth like a blanket they’ve woven together out of all the countless small & seemingly insignificant kindnesses & loving gestures they bestow upon each other every day.

Now that’s what real love looks like to me. What does it look like to you?

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