Monday, 24 May 2010

...Reflects On Loneliness.

I think I'm safe in making the following fairly bold statement : we do not live in lighthouses. 

If of course you do live in a lighthouse, and that is your preferred choice of abode, then I guess the contents of this probably won't appeal to you. I'm reaching out to those of you who are feeling isolated and lonely rather than those of us who are choosing solitude.

Being alone can be very isolating, whether you're at home with small children, craving adult conversation, or whether your children have grown up and left home, leaving you with crushing silence. A relationships may have ended, and you may be feeling as though your home has suddenly grown in size overnight! Or even if you don't have children, haven't just finished a relationship and you simply live alone. Whatever your particular situation you have found this article because you've realised you want things to change, and I'm going to try to help you.

It can often take a long time to realise that you're in what can, sometimes, be a damaging and wearing cycle of tension and emptiness that loneliness can bring. By the time you've realised it, often the temptation is to leave things well alone, because even though things may not be ideal, it's your comfort zone and we do love our comfort zones. 

But like I said, you're reading this because you do want things to change and you do want to get out of your comfort zone and create a new one. There are lots of different ways to achieve this and you really need to see which one appeals to you the most. 

So these are my tried and tested methods for getting out of this particular rut:

1. Get dressed  - sounds weird, I know but how many times have you sat at home in your pj's and not even bothered to get dressed? Come on, be honest!

2. Go out - even if you just step out of your house for a walk. The fresh air will do you good and immediately your perspective will start to alter. Wow! There is life outside my house after all!

3. Talk to people - contact your family and friends you've lost touch with, and make arrangements to meet up with them outside your house even if it's just for a coffee or a walk in the park.

4.  Get a hobby - take up an interest in architecture, or learn a new language. Do anything in fact that gets the old grey matter moving again. In fact it doesn't really matter what you do, but DO is the operative word here. Activity will stimulate your brain, which incidentally will also keep you young, and we all want that don't we! You'll also meet new people and widen your social circle.

5. Volunteer your time at a local old people's home or at a charity centre. Studies have proven that this type of contribution will benefit you equally as much as the people you're helping, giving you a renewed sense of value.

6. If you've got small children join a local mother and baby group - this will bring immeasurable benefits to both you and your children. If there isn't one near you, then how about starting one! 

So there you have it - my 6 simple suggestions for combating loneliness. These suggestions do not represent an exhaustive list by any means, and it's highly likely that a few of your own ideas will pop into your head whilst you're reading this. You don't have to do all of the above, and you don't have to do something every day - start with a commitment to do one thing just once a week. 

The key objective is for you to envisage yourself engaged in a healthy, positive activity that diminishes the sense of isolation you're feeling and enhances relaxation.

Disclaimer: this article is intended to be a guide for those readers who are experiencing mild frustration at their loneliness. If your symptoms are strong, then please seek advice from your health care provider.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Mumtaz. I'm the publisher of and would love to have you as a guest writer on our blog. Do let me know if you have any articles on parenting, moms etc that I can reprint.

    Priya Florence Shah