Wednesday, 19 May 2010

...Lets Go Of Those Negative Memories!

So you're sitting with your head in your hands lamenting the whole packet of donuts you just ate or that date you went on with Mr/Miss Bizzarro. Or any number of scenarios that we all regret day in and day out. Our internal dialogue yells at us "When will I stop making such stupid mistakes? How dumb can a person be?" 

Whenever Im feeling guilty or embarrassed about a poor judgement call I've made in the past, this is what I do:

1. STOP! Don't allow your mind to take over and keep reminding you of your mistake. This is dangerous and it can lead you onto a downward spiral of negativity which will only serve to delay your personal growth and wear you out before you've started. I will often say to myself in a gently persuasive voice, something like "Come on Mumtaz don't go there now." And that's all it takes to stop the spiral from taking hold.

2. LOVE myself more than I love my best friend. That way I'm guaranteed to be kind to myself. Who sits across the table from their best friend and calls them a lazy, fat and useless failure? You just wouldn't do it! So why are we so prepared to do it to ourselves? As an aside, if your friends do say those things to you then really you need some new friends. Your current friends are not helping you grow as a person. Trust me on this one. Speak kindly to yourself, with love, compassion and forgiveness and treat yourself with the utmost respect. Stand tall and smile.

3. APPROACH the painful or negative memory from a new angle. We always make decisions on the basis of the information we had at that particular time, so I will tell myself that if I had more information at the time, my decision would possibly have been different. The past is done with and I can't change it. I did my best with the facts and resources I had at the time. That's all there is to it, and this is where I am now.

4. DEFINE a new intention regarding the negative memories and adopt that as the replacement feeling for the old memory. 

Before you know it, regrets will be a thing of the past. Instead of dwelling on the past negatively, you'll start to see it more as a reference library of how you used to do things as compared to your new improved way. 

You may have to practise this a few times, but eventually you'll be doing it without even noticing it, and you'll be patting yourself on the back for a job well done!

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