...Takes A Day Off.

I'm a single mum of 2 and I'm also a solicitor, a business owner, I manage rental property and I have just started an online business. I'm what you might call busy. Like many other working mums I rarely get time to myself, but luckily I love all my jobs.

Despite my love of the various jobs and all the different hypothetical hats I get to wear on any given day, one of my true yearnings is to have one of those days when I can just stay at home and relax.

Well...hang on a minute....I'll relax on my day off subject to a few conditions, of course. The small print of "Mumtaz's Day Off" would read something like "I will stay at home provided..."

1. The children are at school (doesn't count if you're not a parent but please keep reading);
2. The dishes are washed;
3. The laundry is done;
4. The ironing is done;
5. The house is clean and tidy;
6. The pile of "I'll look at that later" post in the kitchen has been looked at;
7. The beds are made;
8. The bathroom(s) are clean;
9. The kitchen is clean;
10.The bills are all paid;
11.The dinner is planned & prepared if possible;
12. The car is clean;
13. The lawn is mowed;
14. The weeding is done;
15. The dishwasher has been emptied;
16. The breakfast dishes have been cleared away;
17. The grocery shopping is all done;
18. The dusting is done;
19. The kitchen floor has been mopped;
20. The plants are watered;
21. The shoes are polished;
22. The cereal from breakfast must be put away;
23. The breakfast table must be cleaned and wiped (when children sprinkle sugar on cereal why do they always sprinkle the floor and the table and their chair?)
24. Any bits of sewing (hems, buttons and curtains) is all up to date.
25. The errands are all done (did you pick up the dry cleaning?);
26. Those "I'll call them later" phone calls have all been made.

Wow. That's some day off isn't it?

On second thoughts maybe I'll just go into the office today. I guess I'll have to leave my manicure, pedicure, massage and facial for another day. Yes - I'm rolling my eyes along with you my dear reader.

The subtext of the long (and not exhaustive by any means) list above is that all around the country, in fact scratch that, all around the world women both with and without children (and a fair few of the fathers I daresay) heave a collective sigh of relief when they get to their desks at work, knowing that for the next few hours they can forget about the seemingly never-ending massive pile of chores, tasks and housework that awaits back home. At work, mums and dads get to delegate and share the load, we get to socialise or at least interact with other adults on subjects other than the school play or parent's evening or homework.

Perhaps most importantly, we get to feel appreciated for our efforts.

That's got to be easier than running a home surely?

Disclaimer: Please don't feel the need to tear strips off working parents as a result of reading this. This article is just for fun...everyone knows that households run themselves with no organisational input  required whatsoever.

...Finds Heaven On Earth!

To me marriage is one of the most sacred commitments two people will make in their lifetimes. The promises that we make on our wedding day to each other before God, our family and friends contain some of the most important words and intentions we will ever utter. 

But the wedding day itself is just the start. It can take months, even years to arrange a wedding, but planning for marriage often gets overlooked amid the activity of planning the wedding. The catering, the venue, the guest-list, the DJ, the favours, the cake, the dress, the suit, the pageboys, the bridesmaids, the cars.....the list goes on and on. The planning stage is phenomenally involved and time consuming. 

But I wonder how many betrothed couples take time to discuss their marriage? How many take time to talk about their future plans, their shared principles, their shared standards and, perhaps most importantly, how many have a discussion about those areas where they don't share a joint view? Those are the areas where inevitable compromises will have to be made to ensure a harmonious household. 

Why bother doing that? Well to me, it's because harmony in a marriage is crucial, and it's far better to have the discussions before the wedding rather than after the wedding. Just so that both of you know how the land lies. Whilst nobody can predict what's going to happen in a marriage, we must surely agree that a chat beforehand will allow the couple some valuable insight into how the land may lie during their marriage. 

Marriage is an unknown entity. Circumstances change, people change and sometimes personality traits are revealed that neither party could have foreseen. But maybe, just maybe if the discussion had taken place then they would have been prepared. 

An Apache blessing describes marriage in this way, "...Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth for the other. Now there is no more loneliness, for each of you will be companion for the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you. Go now to your dwelling place to begin the days of your life together. May your days together be good and long upon the earth..." 

I see marriage as a lifelong journey that two people agree to take together, side by side, hand in hand, both moving forward in the same direction. The trials and tribulations of life may rock them or just gently sway them from time to time, but their overall intention is to maintain harmony in their sacred marriage. That is their overriding objective and they achieve this through constant and daily loving gestures towards each other. These small acts of love give physical expression to their profound love for each other. Theirs was a marriage of souls and hearts before it was ever a marriage on earth. Their sacred vows were sealed in their hearts before they were ever uttered out loud. Their capacity to love each other extends far beyond their regular beautiful kindnesses. The depth of their souls' original unity will evolve and it will be revealed to each of them as they journey together through the lifetime of their marriage. The revelation will take place over the days, weeks, months and years of their marriage and throughout their devotion to each other will grow. Gradually the true shape of their divine connection takes shape and will be reshaped by the many intricacies that life will throw their way. 

They will experience everything in life separately via unique life experiences, and jointly they will use this to ensure that the essence of their connection remains intact, fresh and instantly recognisable. Tolerance, patience, kindness and compassion flow freely in their marriage.

They compliment each other beautifully in every way, like chocolates and flowers, like the flower and the honey bee, and like raindrops on roses. Together they are the physical manifestation of grace, friendship, nurturing, protection and loveliness. They are warmed and nurtured by the potency of their combined energy, and a fixed feature in the landscape of their marriage is the constant flow of love.

To them, it's simple. Comforting and nurturing each other is their life's calling.

I'm going to end this with a repeat of that beautiful Apache blessing, because I think you'll agree it bears repeating, "...Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth for the other. Now there is no more loneliness, for each of you will be companion for the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you. Go now to your dwelling place to begin the days of your life together. May your days together be good and long upon the earth..."

...Talks Motivation, Inspiration, Perspiration And Carrot Cake!

I've noticed my clothes getting a bit tighter recently and I know it's not because they're shrinking in the wash so I decided to take action and join the gym. Along I went, handed over my bank details to allow them to reach in and take my money every month. It didn't matter though because I was going to get fit! Happy days.

For the first few weeks I loved it - the restaurant was fantastic mainly due to their yummy carrot cake. The sauna and steam rooms were working wonders for my skin. I should have joined the gym years ago!

I must point out that I was vaguely aware of some big shiny equipment in other parts of the gym but it all seemed too ugly, heavy and loud for my liking. Anyway, the people using this equipment looked decidedly dishevelled and I just knew that wasn't a look that would suit me. I joined the gym to get fit, not to get ugly.

So I decided in my infinite wisdom it was best to stick to my established routine of steam room, sauna and finish off in the restaurant. It was incredibly relaxing. I don't know why people moan about the gym - I was loving it!

After a few weeks of this and much mocking from my nearest and dearest (mental note: there will be no further sharing details of my life with anybody who has any power of influence over me. Also I must get mentally fit in order to achieve this, but that's another blog for another day...) I decided to extend my repertoire at the gym and *drum roll please* join an exercise class.

This decision was taken after initially trying my hand at the cross trainer. Looks harmless enough I thought to myself. After a full 58 seconds, I had to get off. Well actually I fell off, because both legs had turned to jelly and my arms were just hanging limp by my sides.

What new form of torture is this please?

Never again. I have teenage children. That responsibility alone is torture, hence rendering the addition of extra torture completely unnecessary. Anyway, a nice gentle exercise class sounded like it was just the thing, and it was bound to be easier than using any of that awful equipment.

Susan* the instructor was far too toned for her own good, and a bit of a show-off truth be told. So were the 8 pensioners I was taking the class with. But I didn't let that put me off. Legs, bums and tums here I come! I must say I did fabulously well and completed not one but two classes that day. I'm particularly grateful to the two sprightly 65 year old ladies who helped me back to my car after the class. Well, actually they carried me but I'll gloss over that detail.

The next day upon waking, I opened my eyes & smiled. Another new day had dawned and I was seeing everything in a whole different light - I was getting fit again! Bring it on!

Getting out of bed presented me with my first new challenge. Have you ever tried to pull back a 14 tog duvet with just your eyelids? They were the only part of my body that didn't hurt. That soon wiped the smile off my face, although I wasn't too concerned about that because smiling was far too painful by now.

I was not going to be defeated, so I signed up for another class with Satan, sorry I meant Susan. Anyway, the cafe still served carrot cake and that alone made the trip worthwhile. Although driving there did give me a whole new outlook on life. Car journeys were actually ok provided I didn't have to change gear, accelerate, brake or use my mirrors. I have a manual car (a stick shift) but then I like a challenge. It didn't really concern me that other drivers were swearing and beeping at me furiously, mainly because I couldn't turn my head to look at them gesticulating at me. I carried on regardless and blissfully unaware. I was on a mission and the trail of destruction and near-misses I left behind me wasn't going to stop me.

So here we are, 6 months down the line and guess what? I've done what I set out to achieve. I have single handedly kept the gym's cafe in business and the attendants at the steam room and sauna are my best friends. As is Susan, the toned instructor, and now it's me carrying new members back to their cars after their first class. As for the cross trainer, I've now doubled my tolerance. Can I get a woohoo!

Was it worth joining the gym? Yes it was!

Disclaimer: I joined the gym because I had spare cash which I wanted to donate to the gym. If you don't have spare cash, don't join. Also, before starting any exercise programme please consult your health practitioner.

*Names have been changed to protect me from getting beaten up by the gym instructor.

...Asks What's In Your Bag?

We all have a carefully constructed public persona, the mask that we all hide behind when we’re out in public. What’s behind your mask?

Would you be happy for your friends and work colleagues and business associates to see the unmasked you?

Whilst we all strive to be the best we possibly can be, sometimes it’s just not that easy and that’s why we tend to have a side that we show and one that we don’t. But what if that mask slipped? Would we still recognise you? My own mask has slipped on occasions and it was quite ugly. This was not good considering I don't do ugly.

One fun way to check what’s lurking behind our masks is to imagine carrying an invisible bag containing all those qualities that are normally tucked safely away hidden from view. That bag’s always with us whether chatting with siblings, other family, a friend or a loved one or conducting a meeting with a business associate. Sounds a little wacky doesn’t it, but work with me on this one because I think you’ll like it.

Ladies, we all love our cherished bags so this will be easy, and it’s only a game so if you want yours to be a fabulous Gucci/Chanel/Fendi bag then go ahead – it’s yours! Gentlemen, you’re not forgotten either and with the advent of the manbag, you’ll be excited to learn you’re included in this one too.

Here’s the disclaimer: ladies, this is a game, hence you don’t need a genuine Gucci/Chanel/Fendi. Gentlemen, this is a game but unless you want this to be the last game you ever play, please just buy her the Gucci/Chanel/Fendi. This will earn you countless brownie points. We're girls and we like presents.

Everyone happy? Let’s continue.

Now sit down at an imaginary table with either mum, best friend, business associate etc (well you’re already holding an imaginary bag so you may as well take your seat at the imaginary table).

It’s important to know a few fundamentals at this point; first, we ALL have a bag; second, the contents of our bags all vary from person to person, and relate directly to our personal life experiences; third (and this one is a bit scary) the person across the table from you will see the entire contents of your bag – make no mistake about that Ladies and Gentlemen, and fourth and finally the contents of your bag won’t necessarily reflect the contents of your public life. You might be the CEO of an insanely successful company or you might be a top model appearing on magazine covers around the world, but that’s the mask we wear for public consumption. The bag holds the private inner you. Did I hear an uh-oh?

Only you know what’s in your bag and only you decide what goes in and what stays out, but they will see it whether you like it or not. That is the Law of The Bag.

Do you know what’s in your bag? Allow me to just throw a few things into the mix here off the top of my head…how about Greed? Unreliability? Unpredictability? Disloyalty? How would you feel if that’s what your companion pulled out of their bag? Better yet, how would you feel about pulling those unsavoury qualities out of your bag? Not great I’m guessing.

Would you really want to sit opposite the person who’s bag contains an unlimited supply of negative qualities, against your positive qualities.

What if their response to the look of abject horror on your face was a wishy-washy “Yes, I know it looks bad but I was hoping your bag has the joy, the love, the enthusiasm, the passion, the tolerance, the patience and all that other good stuff. I really just don’t have it in mine.”

Would they be able to see you through the dust cloud as you make your supersonic exit at breakneck speed? I doubt it.

Take a few moments every day to consider the contents of your bag and be glad for the opportunity to clean it up and sort it out before you take your seat at the table of your life. Make a conscious decision today to fill your bag to the brim with a heady mixture of respectful, fabulous, amazing, breathtaking, romantic, schmaltzy attributes. Have some fun with this part of the process and bear in mind what you’d want someone to pull out of their bag and offer you.

Trust me – you’ll be glad you did it. Offering the best of ourselves comes with its own plentiful rewards. Like many noble pursuits it isn’t easy but I promise you, it will make you feel fabulous.

Just before I close please take a moment to tell me, if you dare, what’s in your bag right here, right now?

...GETS IMPATIENT FOR THE LAST TIME! (hopefully…)

I was reflecting upon virtues today – you know what I mean here – those character traits that represent superb, five-star, gold-plated qualities of moral excellence. These are the things we all strive for such as modesty, probity, integrity, kindness…the list is quite long and full of elements that cannot help but make us feel good about ourselves. Until we reach one virtue that, practically without exception, makes us all groan...patience.

As virtues go, I think we can all agree that patience gets a really bad press. I mean, come on let’s face it, who looks forward to waiting? Isn’t this the age of instant gratification? If I want it, I’ll have it now please. Which one of you enjoys hearing that irksome phrase “...remember - patience is a virtue…”? I’m willing to bet the numbers are in single figures! Even as I write this I’m feeling somewhat irritated as I ponder upon the various experiences that are yet to manifest in my life, as I tell myself to be patient because it’ll all come together in the end (cue gnashing of gritted teeth).

Patience is one of those words that’s steeped in negativity. We end up being so aghast and distressed at the requirement to wait that we put masses of energy into being impatient. Its really quite odd when we think about it. In our instinctive determination to rebel against being patient we end up making the whole process quite unbearable.

This is the age of now – if we want pizza at 1am we can have it; if we want to check our bank balance at 3am we can do it; if we want to read tomorrow’s headlines at 4am we can read them.

But what happens when we want an omelette instead of scrambled eggs? Or when driving to Manchester from London in a traffic jam? In those instances, instantaneous it most certainly is not! There are many circumstances where instant gratification has not made its presence felt. Think of pregnancy and childbirth (how many months?) or gardening (how long does it take for the bulbs to appear?) or baking a cake, roasting a joint, growing an oak tree or becoming a Jedi Master. They all require varying degrees of patience. There’s just no getting round it.

So in a fit of revolutionary pique I have decided it’s time patience got a makeover! I’m on a one-woman mission to convert you into loving this virtue and embracing patience wholeheartedly. I’m hopeful that the benefits will bring immeasurable joy into our lives and give us back our peace of mind.

Reader, allow me to share my 6 year old son’s explanation of patience. He said that patience is when we really want something to happen but it won’t happen immediately and there’s nothing we can do about that, so while we wait for it to happen we do other things to help pass the time. His proviso (my word not his – he was only 6 remember) being that we must always keep a clear and certain image of the thing we want in our minds. From the mouths of babes!

When I have applied my son’s logic to the many times patience has been required, it has indeed worked like magic. If I’m stuck in traffic when I’m running late for a meeting, I’ll use the time to do something constructive like mentally review my agenda for the meeting. That way instead of arriving at the meeting frazzled and flustered, I’m even better prepared and the traffic jam is a distant memory that hasn’t blighted my day.

I also find that gratitude is a crucial way to help the process along. We can always find things to be grateful for, no matter what the circumstances, and I’d urge you to think of 5 things you’re grateful for right now. See how it lifts you, and distracts you from the process of waiting?

Some things will always only ever happen in their own time whether we like it or not. So the more we learn to let go of the process itself and the more we focus with certainty (not desperation) on the outcome, whilst simultaneously spending our time pursuing other tasks and preoccupations that we enjoy, the less we tend to notice that we are in fact waiting. The added bonus being the realisation that we’re actually very good at being patient. Admittedly it does take some practice, but surely that’s a win-win we all want to be a part of?