...Finds Heaven On Earth!

To me marriage is one of the most sacred commitments two people will make in their lifetimes. The promises that we make on our wedding day to each other before God, our family and friends contain some of the most important words and intentions we will ever utter. 

But the wedding day itself is just the start. It can take months, even years to arrange a wedding, but planning for marriage often gets overlooked amid the activity of planning the wedding. The catering, the venue, the guest-list, the DJ, the favours, the cake, the dress, the suit, the pageboys, the bridesmaids, the cars.....the list goes on and on. The planning stage is phenomenally involved and time consuming. 

But I wonder how many betrothed couples take time to discuss their marriage? How many take time to talk about their future plans, their shared principles, their shared standards and, perhaps most importantly, how many have a discussion about those areas where they don't share a joint view? Those are the areas where inevitable compromises will have to be made to ensure a harmonious household. 

Why bother doing that? Well to me, it's because harmony in a marriage is crucial, and it's far better to have the discussions before the wedding rather than after the wedding. Just so that both of you know how the land lies. Whilst nobody can predict what's going to happen in a marriage, we must surely agree that a chat beforehand will allow the couple some valuable insight into how the land may lie during their marriage. 

Marriage is an unknown entity. Circumstances change, people change and sometimes personality traits are revealed that neither party could have foreseen. But maybe, just maybe if the discussion had taken place then they would have been prepared. 

An Apache blessing describes marriage in this way, "...Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth for the other. Now there is no more loneliness, for each of you will be companion for the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you. Go now to your dwelling place to begin the days of your life together. May your days together be good and long upon the earth..." 

I see marriage as a lifelong journey that two people agree to take together, side by side, hand in hand, both moving forward in the same direction. The trials and tribulations of life may rock them or just gently sway them from time to time, but their overall intention is to maintain harmony in their sacred marriage. That is their overriding objective and they achieve this through constant and daily loving gestures towards each other. These small acts of love give physical expression to their profound love for each other. Theirs was a marriage of souls and hearts before it was ever a marriage on earth. Their sacred vows were sealed in their hearts before they were ever uttered out loud. Their capacity to love each other extends far beyond their regular beautiful kindnesses. The depth of their souls' original unity will evolve and it will be revealed to each of them as they journey together through the lifetime of their marriage. The revelation will take place over the days, weeks, months and years of their marriage and throughout their devotion to each other will grow. Gradually the true shape of their divine connection takes shape and will be reshaped by the many intricacies that life will throw their way. 

They will experience everything in life separately via unique life experiences, and jointly they will use this to ensure that the essence of their connection remains intact, fresh and instantly recognisable. Tolerance, patience, kindness and compassion flow freely in their marriage.

They compliment each other beautifully in every way, like chocolates and flowers, like the flower and the honey bee, and like raindrops on roses. Together they are the physical manifestation of grace, friendship, nurturing, protection and loveliness. They are warmed and nurtured by the potency of their combined energy, and a fixed feature in the landscape of their marriage is the constant flow of love.

To them, it's simple. Comforting and nurturing each other is their life's calling.

I'm going to end this with a repeat of that beautiful Apache blessing, because I think you'll agree it bears repeating, "...Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth for the other. Now there is no more loneliness, for each of you will be companion for the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you. Go now to your dwelling place to begin the days of your life together. May your days together be good and long upon the earth..."

...Asks What Is Real Love?

If I asked you to describe love what picture does this conjure up in your mind? I wonder how many of you have difficulties with that question and how many of you would be able to describe it immediately.

When two people are in love the whole world sees it. When a parent loves their child the whole world sees it. When we love our pets the whole world sees it.

How would we describe this elusive feeling? For centuries great poets and authors have described love in a thousand different ways, from the mystical poet Rumi who wrote “...the minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere, they are in each other all along…” to modern day songwriter David Gray who says “…from the very first moment I saw you, that’s when I knew that all the dreams I held in my heart had suddenly come true…” , while Beyonce sings about being “Crazy in Love”.

Some view love as painful, others regard love as a playground of varying levels of giddy paroxysms of delight. Love to me has so many component parts: respect, grace, trust, loyalty, compassion, kindness, forgiveness, understanding to name but a few. Love is eternal, it does not conform to space and time. Love knows no earthly boundaries and love surpasses all obstacles. Isn’t that what they say? (whoever “they” are…)

To my mind when we are without love and we ask for it to come into our lives, whether we want a romantic partner or a new kitten we often attach yearning and longing to that desire. I believe that the yearning actually delays the love coming to us. That's because the yearning feeling creates a sense of not having the love right at that moment, and then we feel a sense of emptiness. Instead, it's far more powerful if we act with certainty and gratitude that it's already here. Act as if we are so certain that it’s already ours, and if it isn’t in our lives already, it’s on it’s way. That certainty is essential especially where you can’t picture what the feeling of having the love is like.

Let me give you an example of that type of certainty. Imagine you go into a store and buy an item for £5, pay for it with £10, you expect £5 change right? You don’t ponder and wonder and long for your £5 change do you? You just know its coming. You don’t say “Will I get the full £5 or will I just get £2 change?” That’s just silly! You just know it’s coming. Then when you get your change you don’t act overly shocked or confused to the point of questioning it do you?  No, you just say thanks and off you go. Because you just knew it was coming.

That’s what certainty feels like and that’s the feeling you want to cultivate. Doesn’t that feel good? Do you feel relieved that its so simple? Say yes and say it loud! YES! (Not if you’re at work of course. Inside voice.)

Now that you know what the certainty feels like, let’s explore how that translates to your physical appearance? Allow me to give you an idea of how it looks – the fabulous feeling of having love in your life transmutes into that sparkle in your eyes, the glow in your skin, the smile on your face, the spring in your step and the shine in your hair. It’s your strong posture and the clear words you speak. It’s the way you light up a room just by being in it. It’s the kindness and compassion you give so effortlessly. It’s your passion and enthusiasm that exudes from every pore.

How great is that making you feel? Hold on to that feeling.

Romantic love feels like you’re sharing your own private sunbeam. The warmth of your love is so potent it’s practically tangible. He’s so proud to have you in his life there’s nowhere he’d rather be than by your side and there’s nobody he’d place above you. He smiles in the certainty that it’s the same for you too. There’s an endless list of places you take each other, both real and imagined. “Isn’t she amazing?” he says to everyone and anyone, glowing with unabashed pride. He knows this beautiful woman really is something special. And his smile tells us all that he knows it’s the same for her too. Their love is truly requited.

This love is simple, pure, sweet, heartfelt, intense, passionate and enduring. Both lovers feel it’s warmth like a blanket they’ve woven together out of all the countless small & seemingly insignificant kindnesses & loving gestures they bestow upon each other every day.

Now that’s what real love looks like to me. What does it look like to you?