...Is Looking At The Reasons We Get Angry

Many dramatic results of the application of anger management techniques stem from the willingness to look beyond the anger and really get to grips with the root cause of the anger. In this article I’ll be asking you to take a step back and examine your anger with an independent eye.

Why do this? Because anger never stands alone. It is always a mask for something else. But what, you may be asking. How about fear or hurt or disappointment? How about an unspoken concern or an unexpressed episode of pain, or even an undissolved experience that terrified you? Maybe you don’t even remember the reason why you’re scared, or upset, because you’ve buried it so deep to avoid feeling the pain it brings with it. Anger management techniques are not only about what to do after the episode of anger. It also requires that we look at the reasons why we become angry.

Were you perhaps bullied, abandoned or rejected either as a child or in your adult life? Were you afraid to speak out or were you warned against speaking out? This may have weakened you, making you feel helpless and alone. As a result you may have developed a routine of becoming angry and hostile to boost yourself and feel that some degree of control has been regained.

Or maybe you’re just tired of holding everything together, and the weight of your burden has become too much for you. Perhaps you’re scared that if you stop juggling all those many roles, who will do it instead?

Do any of the suggestions resonate within you? Is there anything written here that makes you react strongly either positively or negatively?

In truth it could be just one thing that has made you react angrily, or it could be a combination of events end experiences. The decision to look deeper into the root cause of your anger is possibly one of the most courageous tasks you will undertake, and I applaud you wholeheartedly.

This is an important step in any set of anger management techniques. Even though there seem to be a lot of open questions here, and not many answers, remember always that the answers lie within you...I’m only giving you a possible road map. You decide the destination. Remember also that you’re always safe to explore your mind and your memories. The things that hurt you before cannot hurt you again. They are only memories. In doing this revisiting exercise, you regain control of your life in a wholesome and healthy way. This will hopefully result in the elimination of your painful emotions attached to those memories, and therefore the elimination of the angry reaction that you may be using to mask it. If you want to learn more about the root causes of anger, have a look at this anger management program designed with you in mind.

Disclaimer: Please note that this article is based on my own experience of successfully using this as an anger management technique. If you have any concerns or anxieties as a result of the contents of this article, then I recommend that you contact your doctor who will fully support you.

...Says A Little Prayer For You!

Today one of my very dear sweet friends was somewhat troubled, so I suggested that he say a prayer to help ease his burden. "Oh but I'm not really religious" he replied, immediately categorising the idea as untenable.

That made me think, is the concept of prayer exclusively owned by religion or can we all pray, even if we aren't religious? 

I'm not particularly religious, but I always pray. I regard prayer as asking for help. To me, a prayer is not about religion. Prayer is about needing help, asking for that help and then waiting patiently with the full knowledge and trust that your prayer has been heard and will be answered. 

Read that last sentence again and look at that little word "trust". How does that make you feel?  

Many times I've said a prayer and because the answer didn't come in my time frame, I assumed I would have to do the leg work and get the ball rolling. So instead of waiting patiently, trusting that my prayer had been answered, I took over. I didn't trust. And of course the result was that the answer either went unheard, because I was too busy, or it went by unnoticed because I had forgotten about my request.

That's a little bit like going out for a meal, giving the waiter your order and after waiting a few moments, giving up and going into the kitchen and cooking it myself, or standing over the chef while s/he cooks! Who does that? Nobody as far as I'm aware. So why do we do it with prayers? What drives us to feel we have to do it all? 

We don't have to do it all. Help is available. 

This is my recommendation on how to pray: say your prayer, be very specific about what you're asking for, and then let it go. Just speak using your normal language, and ask for what you need. Sometimes my prayer is just these three words "Please help me". And the help always comes.

Don't worry about being in a designated place of prayer, instead find that place within you where stillness sits. In my opinion, that's the best prayer house on this earth.

And please don't worry about what you're wearing or if your hair looks good. Just say a little prayer. Or a long prayer. It's up to you. Make your prayer personal to you. I don't believe we can influence others in our prayers, but we can seek to enhance our lives. So you can't pray for David Beckham or Kelly Brook to fall in love with you, but you can pray for a happy, healthy relationship with someone kind, compassionate and thoughtful (insert any words of your choice here!) who loves and respects you.

Next, please don't get upset if it doesn't happen straight away. That will only serve to diminish your trust. While you wait for your prayer to be answered, you must have trust that it's in the process of being delivered. 

Get excited that it's on it's way. Look forward happily to receiving your answer, and feel positively grateful that your prayer has been heard. Waiting with a heavy heart is so painful, but waiting in hopeful expectation is exhilarating and uplifting. 

I suggest that those are the very feelings we should to aim to cultivate in our lives, and if we imbue our prayers with those feelings, we'll see miracles happening every day all around us.

I don't know if my beautiful friend did say a prayer after all, but I said one asking for my heart to stay open and loving.